What is"Good"? Leave it to Dad...

September 2009 - South Sister Climb

It's been a while since I've written a "note" on Facebook. But I figured what I really need to do is get my blog up and running... of course, that's just one thing I need to do in a sea of "to do's" settled into an endless horizon with no land in sight. I finally took some time out for myself and took my dog for a hike up Spencer Butte today. My head was alive with so many conversations, I could barely keep up physically. I tried to quiet my thoughts by turning up the music on my iPod, but it was useless. One tune would follow a story line then inadvertently shift gears with a change in tempo or genre. At least my thoughts seemed more organized alongside each new song. It's been a long week...

Each day, I am watching my Dad gain strength after surviving a heart attack and the ensuing trauma of open heart surgery. I am called to stop moving, listen, and be strong. Be the rock. Be the solidarity I seek as inspiration in others. This is so difficult. But this is who my Dad is. My Dad, he is the most important person in my life who has shaped my ideals around what is "good".

What is "good" anyway? I used to tell my children when they were little, "there are no 'good' or 'bad' words, only "appropriate" words... it's how you use them that matters." My Dad taught me that, and he taught me that emotions weren't bad or good, either. They just were... which brings us to the philosophy of "it is what it is". So... what IS good? Well, "good" is exactly what each individual person thinks it is. My Dad and I just happen to share the same perspective.

A good day is when you can open your eyes and breathe. You can roll up to your feet and walk to the restroom and brush your own teeth, take your own shower and get yourself dressed. It's really good if you love a cup of joe to help you wake up and either your roommate has already started the coffee pot, or you remembered to set the timer the night before and it's there, in all its aromatic glory, enticing a pour into your favorite coffee cup. It's not too warm, but the sun is out, your dog is happy your awake, and you have work to do.

It's a really good day when you can be productive, and your activities matter - not only to others, but to yourself as well. It's good to "pay it forward" when you can. It's really good to receive an affirmation, a gift, a smile, or a sweet sign of affection from someone you love. It's also good to give the same - free of obligation, fear, or guilt. It's always a good day to hear "I love you".

It's good to feel your physical body. Pain keeps us honest, and it lets us know we're alive. Yes, we're all aging, but if you can't feel  your body, chances are, you aren't alive. Not that dying is bad. But being alive is definitely good.

It's good to be a student. There are things to learn every day, from every person, every situation, every challenge, every experience in general. It's good to remember the lessons you learn. It's good to test the lessons you learn, so you can continue to grow your perspective on, exactly... what is good? In turn, it is also good to be a mentor, to share the gift of experience with others, and be the example of the change you wish to see in others around you.

It is good to keep your promises. It is good to confront the truth, and accept it, as well as to question it. It is good to be compassionate. It is good to be patient. It is good to stand up for what you believe in, and it is sometimes better to hold your peace.

It is good to be kind to animals, and people. Even the people who hurt you.

It is good to pay your bills, and appreciate everything you have - it is good to be so blessed! It is good to have a roof over your head, a car that works, food in your belly, clothes on your back.

It is good to climb mountains, whether you summit them or not, every day has its summit. It is good to ride a bike, walk a mile, sing a song, play an instrument, share your lunch, play with your pets, sow your seeds and water your plants. It is good to look up to the sky and see the clouds moving between the branches of the tree you are standing under. It is good to feel the wind and watch the birds play in its currents.

Dad made sure I knew what "good" there was in understanding nature. He never lost his instincts, or his ability to connect with that which existed outside of mankind's making. I spent many weekends outdoors as a kid, whether I wanted to be there or not at the time really didn't matter. I learned I wasn't going to get far if I didn't put one foot in front of the other. I learned how to work through doubt, pain, fear, anxiety, and passivity, to get where I wanted to go, even if I didn't know where I was going at the time. I learned to trust my instincts. I learned to read the sky, and the water. I learned to "pick lines" and follow routes. I learned to travel.

So much of what I learned from my Dad and being in the Great Outdoors has implications - all good, by my perspective, that reach beyond the natural environment, and into every decision I make every day. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I am responsible for my own life and my own destiny. I believe, this, is good.

Consequently, I never learned to be "bad" from Dad. I did, however, learn the difference between right and wrong, and that is good also.

Thanks Dad, for being there for all of us as a father, a friend, a mentor, a student. Thank you for being generous and receptive, compassionate and obstinate, patient and kind. Thank you for your profound influence in my life and teaching me all that is "good".

I love you Dad. I can't wait until you're up and laughing again. Without pain. That, most definitely, will be REALLY good.